How did it get to be December??

It's December.

And I haven't updated since July.

So. I don't know how to do this...

Basically:

August: Tried to kill myself, obviously it did not work. Notable incidents: Rode an elevator in a broken shaft. It fell 73 stories. I poured gasoline on myself then set fire to myself.

September: Tried to Kill myself. Didn't work. Notable incidents: Cut off my head and put it on a platter for my mother to see. I do not know how this did not work or how my head became re-attached. This is my life. I watched Harold and Maude quite a bit.

October: Tried to kill myself. Dressed up as a pumpkin and carved myself. Pretended to try to fly off of a skyscraper on a broom.

November: Tried to kill myself. Dressed as a turkey and cooked myself for thanksgiving.

December 1: Set myself on fire and walked around downtown.

December 2: tied hams to my body and jumped into a pit of alligators.

December 3: Stabbed myself in the neck in the bathroom and wrote "farewell" in blood on the mirror.

December 4: Injected myself with permanent marker ink.

December 5: Went to the leprocy camp, then the tuberculosis camp, and finally, the chloera camp.

December 6: Drove off a bridge.. Just like Ted Kennedy!

December 7: Worked with a lumberjack and had a few trees fall on me.

December 8: Went to see Harry Potter hoping that some kid would put a spell on me that would cause me to die. (please kill me for this one.)

December 9: Attempted death by umbrella. Use your imagination.